So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
