So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
