I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
