I wanna passion pit in your ass
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
