I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
