I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize