Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
