I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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