Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
