also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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