Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
