I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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