why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
