went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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