Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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