Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
