she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
where are you?
Hypothermia
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
