I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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