so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
