my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't deserve a penis
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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