i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
