I think im going to throw up on grandma
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
