I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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