WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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