HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
