im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Rumble strips road head = magical
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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