Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
