i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
