I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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