All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
