cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
