I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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