all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can I color on your dick again?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
