hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
