woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
