and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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