you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She bit a glass in half.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
