why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
