My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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