I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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