you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
