So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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