They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
NoShamevember. You game?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
