She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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