This house was built for laser tag.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
