Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
