I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
