What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
