Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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