Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
