we made out on top of his cat.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
