Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
