My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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