Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?