and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now