we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
