Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
