I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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