That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
