butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
